Gunning for the Myths

Myths are usually bullshit, and I shall pretend like I am being original here and use well thought out scientific deduction and reasoning to prove why.

Thomas Edison Invented the Lightbulb
Of course he fucking didn't, he was a twat.

Daddy Long Legs are Extremely Poisonous
Obviously a load of bullshit. They do have venom, and fangs long enough to technically pierce your skin but you would barely notice the bite, only pussies might get a short lived burning sensation.

Toast Always Lands Butter Side Down
No, it just has enough time falling off the table for it to rotate once, and land butter side down. Butter has nothing to do with which way round it lands.

Chewing Gum takes 7 Years to Digest
Just, no. Seriously.

Bats are Blind
Despite the phrase, "blind as a bat", bats are not blind, they just have useless eyes.

We only use 10% of our brains
Please, if you still believe this you should just throw yourself off a bridge. A small one, don't hurt yourself. Incidentally, the film Limitless, based on this myth, is pretty cool =D

Peeing on a Jellyfish Sting Helps the Pain
And...it is true! Although depends on how acidic your urine is, as this neutralises the venom. If your pee is not very acidic, it will just make it worse. Also, don't put fresh water on a jellyfish sting, that would just be stupid. Finally an excuse to wet myself.

No 2 Snowflakes are alike
Bullshit

A Ducks Quack Does Not Echo
It does, you are just too useless to hear it as it blends in with the original quack. Biatch

Batteries Last Longer in the Fridge
Well duh, electrons are excited by heat hence in cooler conditions, batteries life span is prolonged.

Sitting too close to the TV makes you blind
Load of tosh, just like reading in the dark. TV's do not emit radiation. Only a dumb companies in the 60's did, but they were retarded.

Goldfish have a 3 Second Memory
Calling bullshit on that. Proof being that I had a goldfish called Herb when I was little who used to dance when I put on Spanish Flea, it was his song, he knew it. And he loved it. RIP Herb

Dropping a penny from the Twin Towers could kill someone
Well er, don't think they are high enough. Ooh, I do love making jokes on touchy subjects that are so bad they weren't worth making in the first place. Just how I roll. But if you were to say drop a penny from a building still standing, say the Empire State building, it would not kill anyone. Look up terminal velocity

Hairs and Nails Grow After Death
Denied, your skin just gets dry and shrivels, like an old persons. So it looks like their nails and hair are growing. Best part of my necrophilia fetish, beautiful long locks of hair.

Dogs can only see black and white
No

Bulls are enraged by red
Bulls are colour blind. People from the past are dumb, don't listen to them

Do Camels Store Water in their humps?
Once again, falling for the old gag of trusting people of old. Whenever they try to explain something they usually get it wrong. Camels humps are just lumps of fat, capable storing energy equivalent to 3 weeks of food. Their incredible ability to avoid dehydration is thanks to oval shaped red blood cells (most are circular).

Can anything escape a black hole?
Well, this a sort of tough one, but the science dictates that yes, some light does escape a black hole. And since Stephen Hawking did the research I am willing to believe him. He was on the Simpsons. Hawking Radiation (believe it or not, named after the man himself) basically says since a vacuum is never truly empty and that pairs of particles are constantly appearing, and if this happens on the edge of a black holes event horizon and one particle falls into it and the other out, preventing the particles from vanishing (matter and anti-matter rapidly react and annihilate each other). So this one proton is free! Although no one has ever got close enough to observe this. Or probably ever will. But that is the beauty of science, so much to discover and so many different ways to discover it. If you want to know more, scientists have observed what is possibly hawking radiation from simulated black holes, and lots of information can be found on the web about it.

Coffee sobers you up
No it doesn't, just masks it. Man up and take your just returns.

Lighting a match can "burn away your fart"
Denied, it also just masks the smell

Archimedes defeated the Romans with a death ray
No, no he didn't

Cutting an earthworm in half creates two earthworms
Seriously? They can grow new tails, but the tail cannot grow a new head. Jesus

You can see the Great Wall of China from the Moon
The Moon is long way from the earth, about 235,000 miles in fact, you cannot see shit from the moon.

The Moon landing was faked
...

Space is empty
No, it is not.

A glass of brandy warms you up
On the contrary, it makes you colder, you just feel warmer because alcohol causes blood vessels to dilate and so warm blood moves to the surface of your skin, making your body temperature drop but your...mind temperature(?) warmer. Which is why you just need to keep drinking!

Earwigs live in your ears
Is this even a myth?

Your brain is slow at realising when you are full
Yes it is, because it uses blood sugar levels and shit to work it out (useless, we should fire the brain). So just eat slowly. A brain patch will come out sooner or later

Cheese gives you nightmares
It doesn't, in fact some cheese induce pleasant dreams due possibly to cheese containing tryptophan. However if you were to dress up as a giant cheese on Halloween, you may induce a few nightmares.

Water rotates in different directions depending on which hemisphere you are in
This doesn't even deserve an answer

Elephants never forget
Elephants have incredible memories, so the term does in some sense, ring quite true. (And the answer to the previous myth was no if you needed that confirmed, memory like an elephant I have)

Space makes your head explode
C'mon

Lemmings commit mass suicide by jumping off cliffs
Only in the video game. They just migrate and accidentally fall off cliffs sometimes.

The 5 second rule
Germs do not take 5 seconds to jump onto your food

Sugar makes kids hyperactive
Does nothing of the sort, usually just the situation sugary food is often consumed in and the fact that the myth makes people believe they are hyper because of the sugar they have been eating. Fatties. Like me

Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity flying his kite
Unless he died and was reborn, then no, no he didn't.

Leaving your engine to idle so it warms up before driving it to stop it being damaged
A cold engine is more liable to being damaged, however leaving it on idle is a less effective way of warming the engine than by just driving your car, only the earths climate gets warmer. So just drive your car and don't fucking kill the trees more than you have to. Think of the trees, they are bleeding out!

Microwaves cook food from the inside out
Back to science class for you

An F1 car can drive upside down
Physically possible yes, they generate enough downforce.

God
lol

Grandma wrote:

Thomas Edison Invented the Lightbulb
Of course he fucking didn't, he was a twat.

Fuck you, Edison invented everything. My personal favorite of his inventions? The Edison Coil.

Grandma wrote:

Daddy Long Legs are Extremely Poisonous
Obviously a load of bullshit. They do have venom, and fangs long enough to technically pierce your skin but you would barely notice the bite, only pussies might get a short lived burning sensation.

Also, sometimes they build webs inside of your desktop tower.

Grandma wrote:

Dropping a penny from the Twin Towers could kill someone
Well er, don't think they are high enough. Ooh, I do love making jokes on touchy subjects that are so bad they weren't worth making in the first place. Just how I roll. But if you were to say drop a penny from a building still standing, say the Empire State building, it would not kill anyone. Look up terminal velocity

Pennies? You Euros are behind the times. All the rage in America is dropping steel beams 40 stories down from where the Twin Towers used to be. That didn't kill anyone, either. Clearly anything dropped in that area becomes non-lethal.

Grandma wrote:

Bulls are enraged by red
Bulls are colour blind. People from the past are dumb, don't listen to them

They get pretty pissed off when people start throwing darts and rapiers at them, though.

Grandma wrote:

Cheese gives you nightmares
It doesn't, in fact some cheese induce pleasant dreams due possibly to cheese containing tryptophan. However if you were to dress up as a giant cheese on Halloween, you may induce a few nightmares.

Cheese doesn't give you nightmares, but this might.

Grandma wrote:

Lemmings commit mass suicide by jumping off cliffs
Only in the video game. They just migrate and accidentally fall off cliffs sometimes.

Also, sometimes Disney cameramen and directors chase them off cliffs, so they can film lemmings falling off cliffs. But if they hadn't, we may never have gotten Lemmings.